Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Therapy Update

Last Friday was by far one of the best therapy sessions I think Jax has had to date. He is sitting up so much better and he is using arms to push his upper body up off the floor. His trunk and arms are getting stronger! I am so proud of him.


We are currently in the process of getting approved for physical therapy at Siskin's Children's Institute in Chattanooga. The place where Jax currently receives therapy is downsizing so we are having to find an alternative place for physical therapy. Our therapist now will be joining Siskin in July so we are hopeful that we can continue therapy with her as soon as possible. Good news is we will be able to continue seeing the same speech and occupational therapists. If we do get accepted into Siskin it will be a little longer drive each week but hopefully we will be able to keep all therapies combined into only two days weekly. 

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Sadness to Joy

Every now and again you can't help but just get in a funk. Last week was just that for me and for Jeremy. The entire week was a struggle to stay positive and not allow myself to be overwhelmed by the past and the what ifs. I can't change anything that has happend, I certainly can't fix it and I have no control over what the future holds. Each day just seemed to get darker and darker last week and it felt like the "hits" just kept on coming. Friday was the tip of the iceberg. Got not so good news about a certain situation, and then a piece of mail about that particular situation. Right after getting all the news and mail, I had to go to Walmart and had a terrible experience there. One that I am going to definitely write to corporate about. Don't tick off a mama when she has already been pushed to the limit. Upon leaving Walmart with my 3 children, two of whom were tired and hungry and who I promised to take to chick fil-a to play and eat, I did what any other mom would do and I called my husband at work to vent about all the junk that was going on that week. Of course, like any smart  sweet husband would do he listened, apologized and reaffirmed that if he could he would make it all better. I cried the whole way to chick fil-a and realized that there was no way I was in any shape to take 3 kids into an already chaotic playground to eat lunch. I sat in the drive thru and cried as I saw all the little boys running and playing. One dad was putting on his son's shoes getting ready to leave thinking to myself we may never have those moments with Jax. Then I saw a little boy just about Jax's age "toddling" around with a big smile on his face and I just about went over the age in my pity party when I heard a still small voice speak to me and say "you may not be having these moments now, but you don't know what My plan is for Jax. You would never know the power of a miracle if you never needed one. Though you may not be rejoicing over these things, you may have the chance to rejoice over even greater things that I have for you. Which would you rather have?"

I immediately asked for forgiveness for my lack of faith and for allowing myself to take my focus off of God and placing it on all the negative. That moment in the drive thru is one of many times that God has spoken to me throughout this journey and reminding me to keep my eyes on Him and trust in His plan. I snapped back to reality and took the kids to a local residence that has all kinds of animals for the community to visit. We parked and had a nice lunch. We fed the donkeys and I just made up in my mind that I was going to enjoy my children and the time that I was given right then.

I ran/walked my first 5K this past weekend. It was the color vibe run and a group of us ran in honor of Jax. All the proceeds were going to the Ronald McDonald house. Later that day I was playing with Jax and doing some PT with him. And once again it was these moments that remind me that God is in control and that every milestone with Jax is a celebration and victory for him. He has a determined spirit about him that I can't explain. I know that there is a strength inside of him and a joy that is expressed on a daily basis. A sweet friend was visiting with us and was there when Jax pushed himself all the way to this position. I can't tell you the amount of joy and excitement that was felt in this moment in time but it was an amazing end to a not so amazing week. Hopefully the expressions on our faces will convey some of that joy with you.
Church was so good today and Pastor Stan had a great message about Spirit Empowered Living. If I allow myself I get extremely overwhelmed at the task before me when it comes to Jax's caregiving, because if I had to do it on my own I would fail miserably. I am inadequate on my own to care for him the way he needs but with God working in me I am more than adequate. I am trusting in God's grace, mercy, love, guidance and wisdom when it comes to raising all my children but especially with Jax. He is not a typical child and without God I would collapse under the enormous weight and burden of this responsibility that has been given to us.